Bruised

My stomach is swollen, sore and bruised where I had the injection. Really painful, on a day where we were busy. I have to be careful to wear my belt not too tight, and lower than I normally would. There's insecurity for you.

First, we had an interview with the government health insurance mob in Loches (CEPAM). I'm unable to work while I'm incontinent, because my typical working day is about 12 hours, and I would be wet (and potentially a bit smelly) by the end of the day - not nice for our clients. Plus, of course, I have 7 weeks worth of half a day attending to radiotherapy to factor in.

As with all French bureaucracy, once you get into the office and talk to them they're extremely  helpful. We achieved in a 20 minute chat what would have taken 2 days and a lot of swearing whilst using the online portal. We may even get some money.

Then we stopped for coffee at a boulangerie, because why wouldn't you.

We had lunch with friends at the guinguette (think pop up restaurant). I am going out a bit more, but I am making sure when we arrange things that I don't want me and cancer to be the topic of conversation. Anything but that unless I mention it.

The problem is that the following things make me tear up: cancelling a holiday, not getting to Australia to see family, the pain and inconvenience of the operation and treatment, the prospect of more treatment. I don't want to be a morose bastard, or look like I'm needing sympathy.

And I don't want to spend my whole life being "that cancer guy".

In the evening I had my first hot flush. It's a side effect of the injection, and it feels like my brain is melting from the outside in. I hope the next six months isn't going to be like this 

Disappointed

Today I cancelled our accommodation in Andorra. The timing is just too tight, and I don't know if we'll get any sick pay - money might be too tight.

I feel like a bit of a failure - I originally booked this to celebrate my recovery - and when that didn't happen I was going to use it to take my mind off the various therapies.

Ah well. 

Ouch!

It's the return of the domiciliary nurse for the first of my hormone therapy injections. They're scheduled for one a month for 6 months.

The listed more common side effects can be:

• back pain
• blurred vision
• dizziness
• fever
• flushing or redness of the skin
• hard lump
• headache
• nervousness
• pain
• pounding in the ears
• slow or fast heartbeat
• small lumps under the skin
• swelling
• unusually warm skin

and you don't want to know about the less common side effects. I know they have to warn us about these things, but it does feel like they're saying "are you sure??"

Shit that hurt. They're huge, and it's a slow release jell which sits in a lump in the fat around the stomach. As it's the first one, it's two, either side of the navel. It hurts going in, and it hurts sitting there in a lump.

Not happy.

A New Appointment

We had a phone call today giving us the time of my next trip through the atomic donut. It's the day before we plan going on our short holiday, so I hope it doesn't interfere.

Because they're putting radioactive stuff into me we don't have to pick anything up at the pharmacy first.

Bugger

Bugger. Bugger bugger bugger.

I had my follow up appointment with the surgeon today. He apologized, but said it was bad news. As I suspected, my PSA was too high which means they didn't get all the cancer with the operation.

So now I have to have another trip through the atomic donut, then 7 weeks of radiotherapy treatment 5 days a week. All whilst having testosterone injections (they're actually anti testosterone). He first phrased it as "chemical castration", one of the bleakest things I've ever been told. That's an injection every month for 6 months.

He says 5 minutes a day for the radiotherapy. Not looking forward to it - it means driving to Poitiers and back every day. That's 3 hours on the road every weekday for 7 weeks.

Not my happiest day.

We did finally get the document off him that says I'm unable to work. This may mean we can claim some money on social security.

Holiday!!

Just as I booked us a holiday before I went in to hospital, I've book a short holiday as a reward for getting through this, and an incentive to get my bladder under control.

Andorra is cheap out of season, so that's where we're going.